Lusts For Lifers

"Years ago, some girl wrote in the classifieds saying she was looking for a man 'with the poetic sensitivity of Leonard Cohen and the raw power of Iggy Pop,' so Leonard tried to get me to set up a three-way with her [laughs]. He said, 'Dude, we can give her both!'"

- Sir Iggy Pop

I'm excited I just downloaded this. Here's hoping the old coot has still got it.

Surely, I Thank You For The Memories

Rest in Peace, you Canadian devil. Thanks for brightening up dozens of middle school sleepovers.

If you've got time, enjoy:



If you don't, here's a taste to brighten your morning:

Ottermatic Otter Repost

At the Vancouver aquarium.

Friendship, Unlikely Style

Sometimes this week we think about what it would be like if had never met some of our BFFs.

Here's some other BFFs, out in the wild. This is on top of the tale Amber told yesterday.

This one has a dummy foreign narrator (and a 5 second ad the beginning), but otherwise is cute, and allows me to use my Otters tag.



I love Orca!, starring Charlotte Rampling, in which the titular killer whale burns down a seaside town, that they forgot to bomb, bomb bomb. In other news, this Orca likes pooches.


I wonder if this only happens in Canada?

Here's one that doesn't have a happy ending (hee hee):


Right in the Peppercorns!

And For The Win? Here's Raquel Welch, star of Myra Breckinridge, & Miss Piggy covering Miss Peggy Lee. God Bless, America.

Do They Know It's Anne Murray

So today I took the day off to both START and FINISH my holiday shopping. Wish me luck!

In honor of not working, here's a lovely remake of a sometimes controversial holiday song:



And in honor of all things holy and my recent trip up north, here's Miss Anne Murray singing along with all the New Wave hits of yesteryear.



Happy Holidays!

Canada: Couches and Closets and Bears, Oh My!

So I'm back from Canada, just in time for my office holiday party, which begins at 3pm sharp. I'm looking forward to swiping a bottle of booze, going back to my desk, locking my door, and having my own party.

In the meantime, here's some of the snaps I took on my journey.

Since I don't have my own office in Toronto, my coworkers nicely made this couch my work station.

There's a coworker popping up behind me!

This sign in the cloakroom amused me to no end. I was so tempted to see who was inside!

And I believe you've already seen my new friend, the Cheetoh Colo(u)red Polar Bear near the office. I have no idea what this is, but I now have a greater appreciate for Art, Canada-Style.

And now, time for Office Cheer.

Orange You Glad I Didn't Say Polar Bear?

Canada is a strange place.

A Holly Holly Christmas

So on Monday I saw my first holiday concert of the season - Miss Holly Cole at the Blue Note.


The show was rather aptly named "A Night Before Christmas." As my companion noted, the title would be a helpful way to teach foreigners the difference between definite and indefinite articles.

All I know is that it definitely was a great night. Along with some holiday standards, she treated us to a Tom Waits number ("Shiver Me Timbers"), the Pretender' "2000 Miles," William Bell's "Everyday Will Be Like A Holiday," and a few Cole Porter songs.Last time I saw her was in January 2007 with Doug, and it was a good show but maybe not her best - she was kinda whacked out on cold meds and kept cracking herself up during "Life Is Just A Bowl of Cherries," which maybe means something, maybe doesn't.

This time, she had a kick-ass band, was in top form, and I had one of those super-sweet drinks from the Blue Note's cocktail menu, with a cherry in it, which maybe means something, maybe doesn't.

Anyway, I was very excited before the show started when I peeked at the set list the saxophonist had placed on stage, and saw that "Cry If You Want To," one of my favorites, was on deck. It didn't disappoint. Here it is from a live show in I guess 1995. Her hair isn't quite as flippy, but then again, whose still is?

And here she is doing one of my favorite holiday duets, "Baby It's Cold Outside."


Thanks Holly, for kicking off the holiday season for me. Now to pick up my advent calendar.

Packing Up, Canada Style

Heading to Canada this afternoon for another 24 hour jaunt. This is what I'm taking (minus Alligator, who is helping me pack). Wish me Bon Chance!

Well-Wishing

So on Saturday night, I found myself here:


This, my friends, is far from where I usually find myself. But, I was at a dinner party and it was a fun one, so it was a win. Our journey was a bit like that of Penelope's husband, with an A train excursion to the very tip of Manhattan, then a stroll down Broadway (it looked just like our Broadway! Well, not really), then a hop on to the 1 train for an elevated ride a few stops. We had to do this trek just so because of the incident at 180th Street, where Chicken Little proved herself right and the ceiling caved right in. I certainly amortized the heck out of my Unlimited Rides.

A few hours and miles later as I was recounting our journey to Paul, our discussion of the cave-in prompted him to recall the plight of Baby Jessica. A quick swipe of the smart phone later (Google IS making us stupid), we settled a bet and learned this particular event happened in 1987. We were in the presence of a foreigner, and pretty much fell over ourselves explaining to him this rather American tragedy of a baby falling into a well for a day and a half - complete with happy ending and made-for-TV movie.

It's the M-4-TV flick that got me the most excited, and sent me down the internet rabbit-hole. Patty Duke! Beau Bridges! And a young Will Oldham, a/k/a the dark prince of pop, Bonnie Prince Billy. I especially enjoyed the helpful warning on IMDB - "spoiler alert!" Unless you're foreign, you know what happened.

Here's the teaser:



Here's some other bits I learned from the internet. Turns out young Jessica is all growned up and married now. She still has some pain and effects from her little trip down the well, but then I saw this.


I'm ashamed to say it was someone else that pointed out the howler of the pun in there. Saucy wikipedians!

This bit here made me pause. I bet Beau B. won't be clamoring to star in the sequel.

Anyway, that's my little trip down memory lane. I can't quite believe that this all happened twenty years ago, or that I missed such a great pun, or really, that I was as far north as I was on Saturday night. And especially, that I haven't seen a musical adaption yet. Calling LuPone!

Amber & Canadian Dangers

Oh hai. It's me, ALH from Amber & guest blogging for your regular host, CRD, while he is Away. And what a bad time for a journey northward for poor CRD! Canadian gorillas have rebelled... with knives!
That is a real photo from the Calgary Herald and a real knife in the hands of a real dangerous gorilla! It seems like a keeper dropped the knife in the enclosure while cleaning the cage. My guess is that they were using it to open bags of food or cut the string on bales of hay. This was something my keepers during my zoo time warned me about extensively.

The article goes on to lament the horrors of bad zoo keeping and attribute the incident to poor training. I think that's a bit harsh. Yes, the gorillas could have been hurt. But, in this case, the gorilla returned the knife to its keepers on request. It seems like human error-- a simple oversight. It was a really horrible oversight, but I doubt the keeper didn't know that she wasn' supposed to drop the knife. Taking care of gorillas is super hard work and doesn't pay very well. I'd like to see these watchdogs clean a gorilla cage.

Meanwhile, I hope CRD is okay. I don't think he said his meetings were at a zoo, but I can't really remember him saying at all. If he doesn't come back, it will sure be hard to update two blogs every day.

States of Grace

Last night David said, "Your blog is useful for remembering diva's birthdays and looking at kitty cats." Well, bring it!

I don't know what it is about Miss Grace Jones that is so mesmerizing, but since yesterday was her 57th Birthday, why not celebrate her?

She was both one of the first and the last of the 1970s / 1980s cartoon character pop stars - there's been no one in the past 20 years to match Jones/Bowie/Madonna/Jackson/Prince in their singularity. But, I digress.

She just had a new album out last year, which David I listened to on the way up to Montreal for our Karaoke Vacation. It was pretty dang good - almost as if it was made sometime in the 70s then lost then just showed up again - kinda like Grace herself.


Right after that, when I was in San Francisco, Sarah and I watched A View To A Kill, starring Ms Jones and another cartoon character, Christopher Walken. A few days later, I saw Casino Royale, Part 2 with the whole sick crew, and among my other gripes, the Bond women weren't so interesting. I mean, sure, they sprayed a tan on that Russian lady and pretended she was Bolivian, and she was hot and all, but no May Day.

She's still pretty impressive these days, as the pictures above from this here fan site prove. Designers sure like to dress her up sexy elder style.

I have to say, her voice is something that everyone underestimates. Here she is with Pavarotti, holding her own not only against him but against the toilet bowl she's wearing on her head.





And here's the new song, Hurricane, which I sometimes sing to Zach:




Thanks for all the good times, Grace!

You Say Catsup I Say Throwsup

Really, Heinz? Really, Canada?

To commemorate its Canadian centennial and thank Canadians for 100 years of support, Heinz has created The Great Canadian Heinz Ketchup Cake -- an ideal dessert for any celebration. It's red, perfectly spiced and delicious. Think carrot cake without all the work.

In case you're a jerk, here's the recipe.

CRD & Poo Teens

Oh hai. It's me ALH. I iz guest blogging in your Internals Plural.

CRD is, I hope, wrapping up his adventurous journey to the Canadian Book Fair. I hope he used the $1 I gave him to buy some good reading and didn't waste it on a kazoo or save it to buy a grape soda at Royal Pizza on the walk home. From Canada.

While visiting the country to our north, I hope CRD has had some opportunities to sample the local cuisine. Canada has some really delicious native fair-- from the "Piment Infernal: Sweet Chili Heat" Brand Doritos aforementioned, to Canadian "bacon" which is Canadian for "ham," to Poutine, the National Dish of Canada.

For those of you not familiar, poutine is like gravy fries mixed with the National Dish of Wisconsin: cheese curd. All of the major food groups are represented in this one perfect Canadian food: meat (gravy), dairy (curd), vegetables (fries), warm (served hot).

I asked CRD to bring me back some poutine. I hope he knows what poutine is and doesn't confuse it with that other poo**ng word that means something different.

Cool Ranch Canada

What happens today? Well, the plan is to go to work, talk about books a bit, then get on an airplane and go to Canada to talk about books some more!

Why do I like Canada so much? Largely because of the cuisine - faithful readers of this site might recall the time I sampled peameal bacon last summer, revisited in photographic form to the right here.

When I was there a few months ago I discovered "Piment Infernal: Sweet Chili Heat" Brand Doritos. Yum! Only a few weeks ago someone found my blog by googling "Doritos: Canada" (presumably not the same people who googled variations on 'amish pitchfork" last week).

I used to love Doritos more than anything. When I was wee, on Saturday nights my parents would go out and I would have a dinner of one (1) bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and one (1) liter of grape soda, drank from a wine glass. I'd watch Empty Nest, The Golden Girls, and then kill time during Sisters until Saturday Night Live came on. Those were the days.

Anyway, back to Canadians & their Doritos. Why do they love them so much? Why do they invent their own Canadian flavors? I have no idea, any more than I really understand this Canadian Doritos ad:

I'll see if I can't do some research upon landing. Enjoy America while I'm gone!

2008: Not All Bad

As I sit here on my couch and reflect on the year that passed, I realize I was a bit of a grump as Aught Eight wound down. I was focusing on the bad stuff, but then I remembered that there were some good things last year too.

For example:

Amber finally moved back to town. I could finally unravel that quilt from my loom.

I saw the most beautiful thing ever.

David and I went to Alligator Island.

Colleen got married.

I went to Governor's Island.

My sister got knocked up and my parents got drunk.

I discovered Bones, and I learned about Henry the Ennui Cat.

Sarah and I went to the Cape, and we played Badminton.

We had a road trip to the Hamptons.

Seth visited from Iceland.

I became an Uncle - first to Karen's baby then to my sister's.

I went to San Francisco to see Sarah, and David and I road-tripped to Montreal.

So, not as bad as I had thought. Let's see what you got, 2009!

(Remember the TV writer's strike in the 80s? When all the characters would sit around the kitchen table and reminisce about all the good times they had the previous season, so they didn't have to come up with new material? I loved those episodes)

Le Couche Tard

So while David and I were in Montreal, we figured we'd just learn French the same way Madison the Mermaid learned English - from street signs and TV shows. How hard can it be if a fish did it, right?

Turns out it was a little harder than that. The best phrase we learned? "Winking Owl." We learned this from the sign for the All Night Bodega:

Now, if you use your knowledge of Pop Song French, you know that Voulez-vous coucher avec moi? means "Will you sleep with me?" And if you use your high school Spanish you know that tarde means late. What does that get you?

Yep, Winking Owl. And a phrase that's so much fun to say you just can't help yourself.

Couche-tard!

The Less I Seek My Source For Some Definitive

Once, I thought that David had abandoned me. I remember walking on the beach and seeing just one set of footprints in the sand.

"David," I said, "why did you forsake me?"

David replied: "it was then that I carried you."

Or, when he harmonized with me.

God Bless, Friends. And thank you too, Canada.

Canada Time!

What happens to a dream deferred? I'm not really sure, but what happens when you save up too many vacation days and don't want to lose them?

WELL, you hit the road! David and I are doing just that today. We're going to pile into a Pontiac G6 Or Similar and hit the road for parts north!


Who knows what adventures we'll have along the way? So far all we've done is book a car, a hotel, and taken some travel guides out from the library.

If the past is any indication, I think we'll spend a good portion of the drive singing along real loud to the five star selections of our mis-spent youth - the alt-rock of the mid-90s never sounded so good as inside a rental car!

We'll be back just in time for me to Give Thanks with Amber on Thursday. Until then, Gentle Reader, enjoy America.

Canada vs. America, Doppelgänger-style

Now, imagine my surprise when I discovered this blog here. I mean, who knew there was a guy named Chris who posts about cute kitties and Canada?

I'm not quite sure what this fella does for a living, but he seems to earn his keeps by posting funny pictures of cats, going to Canada, and accepting applications to be his assistant. So, I guess I'll start accepting as well!

Here's a funny bit he did about the differences between Canadian kitties and American kitties. With his little horse.



Thanks, funny stranger!