I Need To Re-examine My Whole Childhood

As if the name "Fist-O" wasn't enough.



Life sure was confusing in the 80s.

Really, HillTube?

"In A Sling?" I have to now have this image in my head?

Watch Out, Mexico!

NOM was onto something. Storm's Comin'!

Snickers Really Horrifies

This so makes me never want to eat a Snickers. It's like the Night of the Hunter of candy commercials.

Bloody Bloody Waste of An Andrew Jackson

Dear Broadway,

I have long been a fan of your product, Enjoyable Theatre Experiences. However, recently I made the mistake of attending this show:


...which was the pits. On the plus side, the marketing gimmick was that tickets on the 20th were 20 bucks (an Andrew Jackson, get it?), as a way of stocking the seats with exuberant fans during previews. Clever, indeed. Clever in part because the whole time I was only thinking of how I had wasted $20 and not $100 or whatever you'll be charging soon enough.

The lead was solid, and many in the supporting cast were pretty great - making the horridness of the show all the more apparent. The plot meandered and didn't have much of an arc, the songs were pretty good but didn't approach the teen angst exuberance rock of Spring Awakening, but worst of all were the gay jokes.

I didn't realize that in 2010 it was still something to do, have villainous characters express themselves with lecherous or pansy gay behavior as an inside joke with the audience so we'd know they were "bad." Now, I'm a fan of mincing as much as the next guy, but if it's just mean-spirited, then all that's happening are jarring and negative moments that take the audience - me at least - out of the experience and set me off to wishing I was being taken out of the theatre.
At least in Diamonds are Forever, with those two stereotypes trailing James Bond, we have the excuse that this was 40 years ago, and also Dame Shirley Bassey. Andrew Jackson, you are no Dame Shirley Bassey.

It bothers me in particular because I heard such good things about this show when it was Off-Broadway, and nary a mention of this part of the show. And if it achieves the success of Spring Awakening, or Rock of Ages, or any of the other teen angst with swears and tight pants musicals, then it'll be a popular destination for high schoolers, and they'll be exposed to cheap humor based on stereotypes. Shame on you, Great White Way.

In conclusion, Broadway, you failed me. On the plus side, I had a nice night out with a chum and we had pizza after. On the minus side, I thought you could do better.

PS: For some levity, here's Mister Paul Lynde. The mincers will never hit these heights again.

So This Is What I Do All Day

So, one of the last emails a friend at my OLD job sent me was a link to this bit at the HuffPo. It's a collection of some of the scariest children's books. And, since I'm so pooped from starting work, here's a redo.

Am I the only person I know with a fear of conjoined twins? Maybe I should have been read this as a child instead of Saggy Baggy Elephant.

This one is scary, but also bilingual!

This one just makes me sad.

Back to Poop! At my new job we publish books with this character in them, and I KNOW I won't be able to make it through new title meetings without giggling. Again.

Huh. All Animals Are Equal. Still, glad not to be the chicken here.

Yep, I'm scatalogically obsessed. I can't help it, I laugh.

In conclusion, The End. Now for Day 2!

This So Could Have Been Me

I make typos all the time. Yikes.

Today I said "Did I do that correct?" instead of "Did I do that correctly." I was pretty horrified with myself, this makes me feel better.

(via)

Live Blogging! Is It Just Me?

(from the Rickshaw Dumpling Bar in Chelsea)

Let Me In'a Your Window

This news burst was in the British papers: sales of Wuthering Heights have quadrupled in the past year.

After 150 years of steady sales, the romance between Heathcliff and Cathy has started flying off the shelves thanks to a generation of teenagers discovering the book through the Twilight saga – a trilogy of books by Stephanie Meyer, which have been turned into hugely popular films, staring Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.


One publisher even released a Twilight'd up edition of the book:

This burst right here? In the business we call this "marketing' :

I dunno how I feel. It's still one of my favorite books, so I'm glad more people are reading it. Still, I discovered Wuthering Heights in high school through Kate Bush, as one should.


Those socks!

Somehow it seems the youths of today are being shortchanged. I mean, what if they never discover this?

It's like discovering Camus not by way of an explanatary burst on a Cure album, or learning about Buñuel not from the Pixies. We didn't even know how good we had it.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octpus vs. Raquel Welch

So recently at an Awesome Club we watched this classic movie:


I don't want to give *SPOILERS*, but it is about a mega shark who is versus a giant octopus. Sarah and I actually watched an hour or so of this on the Cape last summer during one of our rainy days. I am pleased to say that now that I've gone back and seen the beginning, it doesn't make any more sense than it did the first time. Not that it wasn't enjoyable.

I will tell you, I thought this was the most ridiculous thing I could ever see (watch out, someone says S-word):



But then he ate the Golden Gate Bridge:



But then? But then we watched this on Netflix Watch This Now Instantly. Stick around for the Space Alien Tango after about three minutes:


And to think, I thought Myra Breckinridge would be Raquel Welch's freakiest moment.

In Conclusion, God Bless you, Television. You complete me.

The Japanese Eat The Darndest Things

Really, Japan?

According to this here article, there are 19 different Kit Kat flavors in Japan.

This one here is kind autumnal. I was never one of those people who liked the pumpkin-spiced latte at Starbucks, but if I did I'd get the Pumpkin Kit Kats for dunking.

Mmm, Pineapple. Don't eat this one, Amber!

I love Watermelon.
Mmmm, Corn. BARF
This one makes my teeth hurt just thinking about it.
This one at least makes sense. Green Tea!
Anyway, The End. I know someone in Japan right now, I look forward to getting all 19 flavors as my souvenir.

I Cannot Turn A Blind Eye To This Pun

Oh no you didn't, NYP!

L M N O Pee My Pants!

Jesus Maria. I bet if I had seen this in my youth, I would have been scared into illiteracy. James Earl Jones & Sesame Street - a match not made in Heaven.

These People Are Having A Worse Day Than Any Of Us

Seriously?

Oh, and they're not due in port until FRIDAY.

Bloody Winters!

Wow. Wanna be really, really uncomfortable? Have some friends over for Awesome Club Movie Night and watch Bloody Mama, Roger Corman's 1970 exploitation movie starring two-time Academy Award Winner Miss Shelley Winters as Ma Barker. It's like Myra Breckinridge, only much much worse.
The horrors start in the first five minutes. We see a young Shelley being brutalized by her brothers and fathers (in X-Files meets Mackenzie Phillips fashion). In voiceover she swears she'll grow up and raise all boys, and have them do everything for her, her own army.
Flash foward and we're in the middle of the Great Depression, and she and her sons - including young Robert DeNiro - do exactly that. They drive across country robbing banks and killing people. In one scene, they rob a bank, take hostages, and have the hostages - old ladies - stand on the running board of the car as human shields. Inexplicably, the cops chase after them, shooting. Also inexplicably, they drive past a modern shopping mall, but no matter.

The best part of that scene is when they bust into the bank and the two-time Academy Award winner fires her machine gun and yells "everybody reach for the nightgown of the Lord!" I'm going to use that line as much as possible.

One of her sons gets caught and thrown in prison. In there, he gets R'd by his cell mate. Later, they break out together and become boyfriends. Later still, after Shelley has slept with all of her sons, she sleeps with this son's boyfriend. Oh, and that's Bruce Dern.

Eventually, there's a big bloody shoot-out. Sometime before that, smack-addicted Robert DeNiro picks up a girl that Shelley eventually drowns in a tub. Here's one of the more light hearted scenes, where she consoles him and all her sons by leading a rousing rendition of the World War 1 peace song, "I Didn't Raise My Boy To Be A Soldier." I'm not kidding.



God Bless you, Shelley Winters. And God Help Us All.

This Is Not Helping My Hangover

Double-oh-NO! (get it?)

Also? Baby Scares A Lot

I hope this isn't real. I really, really hope not.

New (Sac)Religion

Here are some horrible things I found on the internets.

Some wiseacre posted these pictures mocking our Lord. I felt bad that the pun in the first one made me giggle. And who doesn't like a good YMCA reference? Jezebels indeed.

Despite all those years of CCD and other after-school Catholic activities, this picture here makes me feel even worse. Our erstwhile Marty McFly is promoting MILK-shakes at a local diner. Milkshakes, people.

Also? This Butter Be A Hoax

Mmmm, Butter water...

Butter Water - watch more funny videos

Also? Neither Lemon Nor Lime Please.

Wow.

These are just wrong. Nicht gut.



And this one:



Ich muss meine Hausaufgaben machen. SCHNELL.