Monday, March 31, 2008

Signatures, Style

I sure am grateful that Amber kept these home fires going while I was in Florida cavorting with co-workers. She did a great job and I enjoyed reading all the posts on my blackberry when I woke up hungover each morning from the courtesy bar.

One thing I did not do in Florida was search for a millionaire husband, like Betty Grable & co. did in Moon Over Miami. The plot is more or less the same as How To Marry A Millionaire, also with Grable, but this time we get less Lauren Bacall and Marilyn Monroe and more of my favorite chum, Charlotte Greenwood. I just can't get enough of her. Amber's favorite costar in the movie was Donna Meche, but I sure like Charlotte.

Her she is cavorting with Jack Haley, aka the Tin Man. Her signature style is on full display. God Bless, Talent.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Amber & Missing CRD

This is how I feel when CRD moves to Florida.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Amber & Groceries

My new neighborhood is slightly grocery-challenged. Therefore, I have been traveling down to CRD's neighborhood on my BFF, the A-train, to Whole Foods weekly. I went last night and bought the most beautiful tomatoes ever and some really delicious cheese that was available in samples.

It was sad to think about how CRD no longer lives near there and remember the time he made beef stew in his Pokey Pot.

Lately, everything makes me think about CRD. Even random items for sale in discount stores.

(photo by Jimmy)

Did you know CRD loves Garfield?

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Amber & Abandonment Issues

Hello, Internals Plural Readers. It's me ALH, a guest in the house of CRD's blog.

Ho hum.

CRD has retired from book binding to Florida.

Kevin and Diana are moving to Ireland to learn Riverdancing.

And I'm left all alone to mind the store and gardens.

Sigh. I sure hope I make new friends soon.

Is it ironic that I moved back and then everyone else moved away?

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Absolutely Soaking Wet

I'm off today for my company's annual off-site bonding meeting, in Florida.
No, not that kind of Florida. God Bless, Esther Rolle.

Anyway, Amber will hopefully be checking in from time to time while I'm doing Trust Falls & Three Legged Races.

In the meantime, David found this on in the internet, probably by surfing for his favorite 1970s Girl Group. This is my kind of politics.


Monday, March 24, 2008

Slicin's Of The Lambs

As the winter of our despair gives way to the spring of hope, we celebrate life. One way to celebrate it is to have Kevin play Abraham to a Bundt Cake's Isaac. Happy Spring!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Friday, March 21, 2008

An Extra Good Friday

Today is a Special Day because it's my Nana's Birthday.

Before I was born, she would send pictures of herself to my Papa, who was in Great Britain during The War. She would write flirty things on the pictures.

After I was born, we played softball in the backyard.

Once, I graduated high school. She came to my graduation party.
Nowadays, we live in different towns, and I especially like it when I get to visit her. God Bless, Nana.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Two Shots Of Happy

Raquel Welch said that her scene with Mae West in Myra Breckinridge, with Farrah Fawcett in the background, was a "gay man's wet dream fantasy." Well, I don't know if that's true.

In any event, I think this little clip might come closer. I mean really - Cher, Tina Turner, & Spangles. God Bless, America.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

That Catered Affair

Last week I was using Google Image to find a cast picture of A Catered Affair, the new show on Broadway featuring Tony nominee John Schneider, and this little thing popped up - The Catered Affair. What a difference a definite article makes! A quick trip down the knuckerhole of Wikipedia (Nicholson Baker would be so proud!) gave me the 411.

In 1956 Sir Gore Vidal adapted the Paddy Chayefsky TV movie (which starred the original Wanda Sykes, Miss Thelma Ritter!) for the silver screen. This was almost three decades before his bestseller Myra Breckinridge was made into a film - and at least six decades before it makes sense. The plot? Academy Award winner Miss Bette Davis is married to Academy Award winner Mr. Ernest Borgnine - she's a hausfrau, he's a cab driver! They live in the Bronx and calamity ensues when they have only a weekend to plan the fancypants wedding for their daughter, Academy Award nominee Debbie Reynolds.

I am going to start a petition on Amazon so that this, my new favorite movie, will be released on DVD.

I should have known after he starred in Grand Hotel, The Musical! that John Schneider only trod the boards in shows with rich source material. Long live the Dukes!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

6 Sick Hipsters

While I express my vast creativity through arts and crafts, and sometimes blogging, my dear college friend Keith expresses his through literature. His first novel, under the nom de plume Rayo Casablanca, is releasing one week from today, March 25th, through Kensington.

In addition to the clever tongue twiser of a title (what, Hyacinths & Thistles was taken?), the book features a serial killer and a monkey. What more does one need? Also, it's pretty dang good.

Keith & his brothers-in-law shot a trailer for the book. I was there when they filmed some of it but I am sadly not in the movie.

You can preorder this through Amazon by clicking here, and learn more about the book at its very own website.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Great Art

As returning readers know, I am a fan of great art. Sometimes such art is obvious, like the pretty paintings in the museum that they put on postcards. Sometimes, it's not so obvious, like a Virgin Mary made out of elephant poop. But the true litmus test is that it makes you think.

Why does this frog have a fez? And why is he smoking? Why the brolly? The pool cue?

God Bless, Great Art.

Friday, March 14, 2008

2 Hot 2 Handle

And they say the Golden Girls were racy. Blanche Deveraux, eat your heart out.

I don't care what Raquel Welch says, this dame is pretty great.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Can You Hear Me Now?

I simply don't understand the technology. The Past was a confusing time.

Can anyone explain to me what Jean Harlow was doing? Why the pneumatic tube? Is this a Cuba thing?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Stool Crazy. After Alli, Tears.

(with apologies to Paul Simon for the subject header)

Seriously? This is a weight loss system people want to try?

Here are the Side Effects from the company website. Emphasis added.

What are treatment effects?

alli™ works by preventing the absorption of some of the fat you eat. The fat passes out of your body, so you may have bowel changes, known as treatment effects. You may get:

  • gas with oily spotting
  • loose stools
  • more frequent stools that may be hard to control
What to expect

The excess fat that passes out of your body is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza. Eating a low-fat diet lowers the chance of these bowel changes. Limit fat intake in your meals to an average of 15 grams.

  • While no one likes experiencing treatment effects, they might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content. If you think of it like that, alli can act like a security guard for your late-night cravings
  • You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work
  • You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens
I mean, seriously? "Wear dark pants?" This is so gross I feel dirty posting it. I'd rather be fat.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Dukes Of Broadway County

What a surprise the other morning when I gazed out my window and saw that the Dukes of Hazzard had backed the General Lee into my parking lot.

Whatever for, I thought? But then on my walk to work I saw that Tom Wopat had joined the cast of the new Harvey Fierstein musical A Catered Affair, and that John Schneider was the latest addition to Chicago.

Wopat of course, starred in the Bernadette Peters version of Annie Oakley, and Mr. Schneider made his Broadway debut years ago in the John Barrymore role in Grand Hotel, The Musical!

If I were a publicist, I'd sure be making hay of the fact that both Dukes are trodding the boards simultaneously. I mean, what other 80's TV stars can boast this? What other ones should?

Personally, I'm voting for either Amanda King & Lee Scarecrow to star in a revival of Nick & Nora, or Kate McArdle & Allie Lowell to dazzle us in Grey Gardens. Anything you want to see?

Monday, March 10, 2008

The Movie That Shouldn't Be Viewed

This movie made Amber so mad she almost spit on my floor. Gore Vidal said it was the 2nd worst movie he had ever seen. Raquel Welch said Mae West looks like a dockworker in drag.

I dunno. The box said it was 30 years ahead of its time. I think it might need to percolate another thirty.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Amber & Home Internet Access

Remember when Amber had a blog?

Supposedly she doesn't update it anymore because Verizon hasn't shown up with a tin can & a fiber optic cable, but I suspect the real reason is that just like all those phoney-baloney memoirists out there, Amber didn't really do this herself. And Amy is on strike.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Coco's Revenge

My favorite olde time singer might just be Miss Jackie Washington. Some people might have forgotten she wrote, produced, arranged, played the harmonica in, wrote the sheet music for, wrote the piano music for, provided vocals for, and played banjo in Coco's Revenge, the last great blaxploitation movie.

God Bless, Jackie Washington.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Stormies Weather

I sure liked watching Stormy Weather with Miss Lena Horne this weekend. There were parts that could have used an introduction from Whoopi Goldberg, because it was definitely a product of its time.

Like a lot of musicals of this era, the plot itself was the MacGuffin, and the fun stuff was the performers. And so without further ado, the Nicholas Brothers. That, my friends, is coffee.

Monday, March 3, 2008

God Bless My Calves

I have foolishly been wasting my time at the gym doing silly Calf Exercises like this one:

What a waste of time. I learned this weekend that the fastest way to beef up my calves (a pun!) is to go up and down five flights quickly, holding heavy, ironic, or awkward items.

Right now my "gastrocnemius & soleus muscles" are in a bit of pain, but I can only imagine how large and beautiful they'll be once those muscles put themselves back together again - as if I'm in chunk-heeled shoes all the time. I think soon they'll look like this:

Stay tuned!