A Special Day In Ambertown

Who has a membership in Awesome Club and a birthday today?


Nope, not Baby Zach From The Past.

I know! It's Amber!

What are some nice things about her? Let's see.

She's always nice to dinosaurs, both in my Tiemann Place apartment and at the outlet malls.

However, sometimes, she drinks too much.


Also, sometime we go to Museums and she gets Awkward.


Oh, and also, she can find out about memes WAY late. Like, last week she learned who Beyonce is.


The worstest? Sometimes, she says WICKED inappropriate things to me.


Scandal! Black Friday indeed!

But? We can still be BFFs. I just need to learn how to manage the needs for the special way in which she learns. She's never forgotten her keys again!


Anyway, this is the story of Amber's Birthday and how she is Special to me, and not in a shorty bus way. Well, not always.

Anyway, my favorite memory though is probably the time she danced with Pearl Bailey.


Happy Bday, Amber Buddy! I'm so glad you were borned so I could have all the Friendship.

I want to Birthday you like an Animal!

Friendship, Unlikely Style

Sometimes this week we think about what it would be like if had never met some of our BFFs.

Here's some other BFFs, out in the wild. This is on top of the tale Amber told yesterday.

This one has a dummy foreign narrator (and a 5 second ad the beginning), but otherwise is cute, and allows me to use my Otters tag.



I love Orca!, starring Charlotte Rampling, in which the titular killer whale burns down a seaside town, that they forgot to bomb, bomb bomb. In other news, this Orca likes pooches.


I wonder if this only happens in Canada?

Here's one that doesn't have a happy ending (hee hee):


Right in the Peppercorns!

And For The Win? Here's Raquel Welch, star of Myra Breckinridge, & Miss Piggy covering Miss Peggy Lee. God Bless, America.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octpus vs. Raquel Welch

So recently at an Awesome Club we watched this classic movie:


I don't want to give *SPOILERS*, but it is about a mega shark who is versus a giant octopus. Sarah and I actually watched an hour or so of this on the Cape last summer during one of our rainy days. I am pleased to say that now that I've gone back and seen the beginning, it doesn't make any more sense than it did the first time. Not that it wasn't enjoyable.

I will tell you, I thought this was the most ridiculous thing I could ever see (watch out, someone says S-word):



But then he ate the Golden Gate Bridge:



But then? But then we watched this on Netflix Watch This Now Instantly. Stick around for the Space Alien Tango after about three minutes:


And to think, I thought Myra Breckinridge would be Raquel Welch's freakiest moment.

In Conclusion, God Bless you, Television. You complete me.

Workplace Obsolescence

NPR has this nice story on The Jobs Of Yesteryear, including interviews & such.

I guess it's only logical, but I hadn't thought that there were people at the bowling alleys who would run out and set up the pins.

Type-setting!
In the early 20th century, Lectors were hired to read to factory workers - here's one in 1909 in a cigar shop. Since these were union shops, it was mostly lefty trades that were read aloud. I wish they still had this job today, so Kevin could do it. I bet he'd do the Police in different voices.

Here's some soon-to-be obsolete jobs.




Oh well. Here's hoping we make it to 65 before the kids start downloading content for free right to their eyeballs.

"Angry Is No More!"

I mean, this collection of poorly done subtitles is funny enough.

I'm sure what Borat had to say was just as confusing as what they typed underneath:
I think this one is from Star Wars:
Hee hee. Poop!
Just like when we would play with fake laser guns as kids!
Amber and I watched this movie once. I remember the line differently.
Anyway, The End.

Sepia Town!

Know what's awesome? This website here.

It's all user-submitted vintage photographs, helpfully aligned on a map. It's a little clunky, but well worth the visit.

Here's the closest one I could find to my house:

Here's where Kevin & Diana live, sort of:

Here's another one near me:

This is the closest one I could find to Jonathan in Brooklyn, near the 7th Ave B/Q stop. That sure looks scary.

Sorry Amber, they didn't really have any up by you.

Snow Day = Internet Research!

2009: And There It Goes

I made this using Technology. And Friendship. (And also Pearl Bailey and Kitty Cats.)

Happy Happy Hippo

Now this here, this is a nice story.

Happy The Hippo was - irony alert - anything but. Much like Amber, when he lived in Washington, DC he was as glum as a goose. His mom had passed along, and he was living out his days in the hippo house all alone, and apparently afraid of people wearing hats. (Good thing he left DC before Aretha did the inauguration).



Happy-ly, he was relocated to Wisconsin - making the reverse trek our friend did - where he met a few lady hippos, including one he may breed with. 28 years later, he's a cheerful fellow.

My favorite part? Happy The Hippo literally gets a new dating pool. I mean, come on. This stuff just writes itself.

The Wedding List(s)

Hooray! More photos from Dory's wedding are up for browsing and ordering.

I like this one, because you can see The Bride and The Man-Bride and me and Sarah and everyone is very happy. Plus, this was after the official part so they are now no longer living in sin.

This one may be my favorite. I'm not sure what's happening, but this is when I met Dave for the first time.
The mysterious thing? That's almost the same face I made at a DIFFERENT wedding. Here's me with Amber, reacting to my mother dancing to Usher at my sister's nuptials.

I guess Open Mouth Gape Face is my Signature Style at weddings. Congrats again DD!

Nothing Like A Dame

I was very excited to find an email from an old friend in my Inbox.

Yep, that's right, Dame Shirley Bassey emailed me herself (including the honorific!) to let me know that her new LP, The Performance, is available for sale in the UK.
I dutifully visited her website, where I was pleased to see I could download a free track, and learned more about the record. Seems like she took a play from her old chum Nancy Sinatra, who released an album a few years back with songs written for her by Morrissey, Bono, Thurston Moore, Jarvis Cocker, etc. Anyway, Dame Shirl has some new tunes by Gary Barlow, Rufus Wainwright, the Pet Shop Boys, and more.

I first discovered Dame Shirl as a wee tot with a record my parents had called Shirley Bassey Belts The Best!, which was a collection of Broadway songs.

I still associate "Everythings's Coming Up Roses" and "If Ever I Would Love You" with Shirl. It wasn't until many years later when I read an article called "Sassy Miss Bassey" that I deduced the correct pronunciation of her last name.

Now, I never forgot ol' Shirl, but I sure was glad to be in a Gentlemen's Bar a few years ago and see a video of her covering Pink. I think my jaw may have dropped, but we'll let the history books decide if that's true or not.

Some fink turned off embedding for that video proper, but here she is cutting it up live:




She sure is a fun one. I'm so excited to wait patiently for the new album to be released legally in the US in a few months!

In the meantime, here's the lady visiting our mutual friends, The Muppets, for a little Goldfinger action.

I'll be giving thanks for Dame Shirley this Thanksgiving, for sure.

Just When You Thought This Meme Was Over

Amber & I were LIVE-SQUIRRELIZED!

Chilis, Macs

All good Chefs must have signature dishes. Julia Child has her Boof BorBigNon, Rachael Ray has EVOO, and I have Chili Mac.

I invented Chili Mac about three years ago, when I went to Gary's cafe and it was on the menu and I liked it. As I was firing this up for a recent Awesome Club, I realized I could em-better the world by sharing my secrets.

First, you need ingredients. I have illustrated them below. In this instance, it's a box of Trader Joe Brand Mac & Cheese, and a can of Trader Joe Brand Veggie Chili. The beauty of Chili Mac is you can use just about ANY brand. DEMOCRACY.

Open both packages and heat up the contents.

When you're ready, mix in the special Cheese powder, along with a little milk. I find Whole Milk works best, because that's what I have in the fridge.

And here's my secret ingredient - PEPPER!

Then, serve.
Then, eat.
And eat!
And then it's gone.
God Bless America.

(Almost) Live Blogging! Amber Birthday Cocktail!

UPDATE! Now with ME!

Amber Alert!

Do you know who has a birthday today?

That's right! Ivan The Terrible!

Know who else? Hint: she has one thumb and a margarita.



That's right! AMBER.

Amber and I met back in 1996. However, the earliest digital evidence I have of our friendship is this photo here, taken (I think) in 2003. We seem to be in Grant's office and I am just noticing now that it looks like the cast of Six Feet Under is cascading out of my head, Russian Doll Style.


Back in those days, Amber and I would have many adventures together, like when we went to the "Museum" for "Culture."

But then on MY birthday one year Amber thought it would be fun to move out of town. She went to work at this store. I'm not sure what they did, but it was definitely a storefront. I think she was like a Walmart greeter, waving to passersby so they'd come in and sample the wares.

Then, she moved to a DIFFERENT city. I visited her there once or twice, but all she did was pass out on the couch with the kitty ears on. Whatever, Friendship.

BUT, now she's back, and we get to have Fun Times again, like at Awesome Club or Vegetable Club or Wedding Club or Birthday Fancy Feast Club. Sometimes, she embarrasses herself, but usually we're good.

I made this handy graph using Excel, one of the touchstones of our Friendship, to show our friendship using Science.

Here's hoping she stays put this time!

Happy Birthday, Buddy!