Friday, October 31, 2008

All Hallow's Eve

Happy Halloween!

I don't know what I'll be this year, but I know what I was in The Past.

In 1978, I was Casper The Friendly Ghost.

In 1993, I was Aladdin Sane era David Bowie (though this was really a masquerade party for my & Sarah's birthday).

In 1999, I went as Mick Fleetwood from the Rumours album cover (made more sense when I posed with Stevie Nicks).

Any suggestions?

I might just go as Sirotan.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Ten Miles Of Bad, Bad, Road

This week has been Buffoonville around here. Now, I don't read the news or anything so I'm not sure what this "economy" problem is people are referring to, but apparently they're not buying books and somehow this affects me. What-ev, I say.

When things get bad, I look to my toughie role models. Sometimes I think WWJCD?, as in What Would James Cagney Do? What would he do, you ask? He'd smoosh a grapefruit in the face of everyone who crossed him.

And sometimes I think, WWCJD? What Would Cleopatra Jones Do?

Cleopatra Jones is one of the best movies ever, starring Tamara (Who?) Dobson and Miss Shelley Winters. It came out at the tail-end of the blaxploitation era, and while Ms. Dobson is no Pam Grier, she's pretty fantastic, and as her tagline says, she's ten miles of bad road.

Miss Shelley Winters plays a lesbian crime lord, kind of like a more-mannish version of Barbara Stanwyck in Forty Guns. Instead of racy double-entendres of pistols going off in faces, she shouts bizarre epithets and wears a big red wig.

All I know is, I want people to think of me as 6'2", and all of it dynamite.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Canada vs. America, Doppelgänger-style

Now, imagine my surprise when I discovered this blog here. I mean, who knew there was a guy named Chris who posts about cute kitties and Canada?

I'm not quite sure what this fella does for a living, but he seems to earn his keeps by posting funny pictures of cats, going to Canada, and accepting applications to be his assistant. So, I guess I'll start accepting as well!

Here's a funny bit he did about the differences between Canadian kitties and American kitties. With his little horse.

Thanks, funny stranger!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

First We Take Your Birthday

One thing is clear from the past year's worth of posts, I love Birthdays. I wrote about this a little bit back on the 8th, and I meant it.

Today is the birthday of my good friend from school, David. Back in April, I went to see him in Charleston. Next month, he's going to come up to NY for Thanksgiving, and we might just take a little road trip then.

When I first met David back during our freshman year at UC Sunnydale, we both had long hair. Inexplicably, people used to get us confused. I still don't quite understand that, but no matter.

The Signature Style of our friendship is Road Trips. In college, we would pile into his Saturn (hee hee) and drive all over creation, playing Leonard Cohen real loud the whole time.

Once, we went to Graceland. You can see us down below with all our loot, which we then used to decorate our dorm room.

On that same trip we stopped by Tupelo and visited Elvis' birth place. I still have this shirt, and wear it as jammies.

The following year we drove through Pigeon Forge, TN and stopped in Dollywood. One of the best parts was tuning into WDLY Radio once we were in the city limits: "All Dolly, All The Time."

I have to say though, this one here was probably the strangest trip we've ever been on.

Many happy returns, David!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Birthday Blog!

Where does the time go?

It was just one year ago that Amber & I decided to have blogs. 4,265 visits from 70 countries later, here we are.

What do I like about blogging so much? Well, I like being creative, or at least trying to be, and I like knowing that my friends are checking in and hopefully are getting some enjoyment out of visiting here. I'm also really proud of me & Amber for keeping these up so much.

I also like it when strangers find their way here by accident. By Google Analytic's count, 127 of my visitors came here because they were looking for "interesting things about Australia." Here's hoping they learned a lot from my Australia posts. Another 86 of them were looking for the plural of something, notably the plurals of chicken, christmas, friendship, holy, hotdog, parrot, and puss. 63 of them were trying to find out the free day at MoMA San Francisco, and about two dozen of them were looking for Doris Day, Barbara Stanwyck (two of them specifically for her leather pants and her boobs!), and Ruth Wallis.

The list to the right of this post is my search engine traffic from the previous week. Here are my favorites from the past 52 weeks:

  • aphasia club
  • backdoor bea
  • butt internals
  • charleston local fauna
  • cheeseburger in der dose
  • cheetos and chex snack mix recipe
  • feline internals
  • free baby marmoset
  • george washington fish house punch
  • heaven's birthday cake
  • is the spy capable or not
  • le chat ennui
  • marmoset there'd be days like this
  • master soft & delight
  • monster big butt
  • shove in your clutch
  • slicins
  • toppussy
What are Slicins? Who is looking for Master Soft & Delight? Who are these people googling these things?
God Bless, the Internet.

Friday, October 24, 2008


During my long stay in Tokyo back in May, I learned a lot about Japanese Culture. Rumors abounded that there was soup in the vending machines, but I never saw that. There was a fun store at the airport though called "Mother Garden." That's where I discovered Sirotan.

When I came back to America, I found a picture of Sirotan on this blog here.

Sirotan is, near as I can figure, a cat-seal that wears different disguises. Why he has a cat face and a seal body, I have no idea. The cutest iteration of Sirotan that I found sure was this one where he pretends to be a turtle. Why pretend to be a turtle? Why not pretend to be a turtle!

I knew then and there that this was a little buddy that my little buddy, Zach, could appreciate. And so I whipped out my corporate card (ウェブ全体から検索 looks like it could say "Grande Latte," right?) and snatched him up.

And at the end of the day, Z sure loves his new friend. God Bless, Sirotan!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Couples, Crimes, & Acoustic Strips

Now, I sure like Vanity Fair, and I don't mean the big boring book. I always used to buy it at the airport before a long flight, and this year my parents got me a subscription for Christmas. Jolly good.

One thing I like is the articles, and one article I recently liked was James Wolcott's "Little Big Screen" article on TV Programs. I liked lots about it, but mostly I liked how many nice things he had to say about Bones.
Series such as ... Bones ... lay down an acoustic strip under the alphabet-soup techno-jargon that correlates to a mental hum, as if the shows were thinking along with us (whereas so many movies are thinking for us, bringing the word down from on high).

How great is that? Laying down an acoustic strip under the alphabet-soup techno-jargon. I think I almost understand what he's saying. I think it means that even though they talk about bones and other boring things, it's fun to watch them chat.

Later he said:

The intimacy of television offers an ideal frame for the sort of teamwork at which Hollywood once excelled, from Nick and Nora in the Thin Man series to Rock and Doris to Paul Newman and Robert Redford. Them days are gone. The rapport and banter have migrated to television, whose matched sets include ... David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel on Bones (the dynamic between Boreanaz’s James Garner aplomb and exasperation and Deschanel’s Gene Tierney–ish fine-etched beauty makes for the most interesting evolving relationship on TV)...

Now, that's a lot of text, but I sure do agree. In fact, except for Asta, they're really all one and the same.

God Bless, Bones. And Asta.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Cat's Out Of The (Money) Bag

All I ever hear is Economy Economy Economy. Booooring. All I know is I've been pinching my pennies and saving and saving and still can't afford to buy a nice one bedroom in NYC.

Also, I talk a lot about getting a kitty, but mostly it's all talk. Until now!

David recently told me about Ashera Cats, which seem like the best pet in the world. They're a mix between "the African serval," "the Asian Leopard," and "a specific domestic cat." Now, David is a scientist so he knows what he's talking about. My little buddy'll grow to be 25lbs, "resembles a mini-leopard, yet has the temperament and affection of a regular domestic cat."

The best Ashera that money can buy is $125,000, so I'm going to put a downpayment towards that - no coop board to pass! This $125K gets you a Royal Ashera that has been genetically altered so you don't sneeze when it's around. I'm not allergic, but I figure I should get top of the line.
Now, there's some controversy about how these little buddies are fake, and some of them now live at Schiphol Airport, but I think they're just too cute to be phoney. Where's my check book?

It takes 12 months from date of order until receipt of kitty, so I have plenty of time to get my 350 sq ft apartment ready for this little buddy! What fun he'll have sitting with me on the couch watching Bones!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Friday, October 17, 2008

Oh? Canada?

Canada is awesome, as I may or may not have said before. Mostly I like it because I like this part of my job and my coworkers, but also because it's fun to visit.

One fun thing about Canada is all the differences between it and America.

Some times the differences are subtle, like how their Baskin Robbins has 31 flavours, and you can pick one of them to be your favourite. When traveling to Canada, pack your extra U's.

They also seem to have some sort of Toilet Rebate. I don't know what this means.

Back to the food thing, their Doritos have funny flavour names. It was weird enough to try Sweet Chili Heat, but to also call it Piment Infernal! gave me the giggles.

And to close on the Ice Cream theme, the giggliest part of them all is what they call their Mister Softees. Hee hee, Master Soft & Delight!

Thanks Canada, for all the swell times!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Birthday, She Wrote

It sure is good to be back from Canada. God Bless America! I have big thanks in my heart for Amber for keeping things fresh around here.

And now, back to business. Today we wish Miss Angela Lansbury a very happy birthday. I think I first knew her from Bedknobs & Broomsticks, and then from 1987 through 2006 she had the #1 Drama on television, in which she played an old busybody in Maine with 200 nieces and nephews scattered around the globe, whose friends & acquaintances always seemed to get murdered.

Nowadays, I think I like her best as the cockney maid in Gaslight, or the devious mother of them all in Manchurian Candidate.

Meantime, here she is with her bosom buddy Bea Arthur singing about friendship. It's kind of how I feel about Amber, guest-blogger and buddy extraordinaire.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Amber & Arrivals

CRD is due in any minute now, which is wicked exciting because I have sure missed him while he has been away. He left me a message last night saying that he was having a blast: his friend with the sick sense of humor was keeping him in stitches even though he had been stung by a Canadian bee in the hotel. Good times!

Even though it sounds like he is having an amazing northern adventure, it is important to me that he comes home because, as you can see in this photo taken by Jimmy, he is a critical member of my circle of friends-- clockwise, he is the tallest. So is Kevin, but he is not pictured here.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Amber & Mounties


It's me, ALH the guest blogger. Chris is getting another stamp on his passport at the borders to the great land to our north, Canada.

Last night, he sampled Canadian consumerism at what they call a "mall." Everything was super expensive there, even with the current conversion rates between the Loon and the Buck.

Today, he is going to see this documentary about Canada's heyday.

My money is on the Atomic Invaders.

I hope he hurries home. I am bored without him.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Sir Owl, Knight Owl

Sunday nights are the worst. What happens is, you go out with your friends on Saturdays and drink beers and carouse, then on Sundays you sleep in just a little bit too late. No matter what you do the rest of the day: in my case yesterday this included Sweeping, Mopping, watching Meet The Press, some light shopping (2 new CDs, milk), having a chum over for Thai food and Kath & Kim, drinking half a bottle of wine - there's no falling asleep before midnight. Or in my case last night, 3am.

I really did try to sleep. I got into bed around 11, turned off the lights, and all seemed well for about 30 minutes. Yet, I was still wide awake. I'll read a few pages of Robert Wagner's memoirs, I thought. When I last left them, he & Natalie Wood were getting married for the second time.

Well, by the time it was lights out again at 3am, much had happened since that fateful boat ride with Christopher "Chris" Walken, including Hart To Hart, marriage to Jill St. John, and Austin Powers.

So now here I am getting ready for work all bloodshot and drowsy. And in a few hours, I hop on a plane for Canada. Thank God I'm not flying it!

Sweet dreams.

Friday, October 10, 2008

The Golden One & That One

I try not be political, really.

But I love it when our Golden Girls talk dirty. Here's Betty White pretending to be a McCain speechwriter on the Craig Ferguson show.

Thursday, October 9, 2008


Birthdays are Awesome. I love them because it's a day when you can truly celebrate one person, and there's no religion or anything tripping it all up. I know from counting my blog tags that I sure post about them a lot.

One great thing about my birthday is that I share it with Sarah. Sarah and I met during freshman week of college, and have been grand chums across continents and coasts ever since.

In college, we would celebrate our birthdays with tiaras...

...or fancy dress...

...and nowadays it's more casual, but still Awesome.

Happy Birthday, Sarah!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Solace, Quantum Of

So this morning on my way to work I passed my first billboard for The f(x) = Solitude, the new James Bond flick. This is terribly exciting because I sure am a big fan of Bond, James Bond.
The first Bond movie I saw on the big screen was A View To A Kill, with that avuncular comic Roger Moore & that force of nature Grace Jones. It had everything an 11 year old boy wanted - action, humor, hot air balloons, and the Golden Gate Bridge. I then watched all the older ones on VHS - often missing out on double entendres and the plot complexities, but always appreciating the gadgets guns, and in three cases, the Shirley Bassey theme songs.

I thought poor George Lazenby was wrong for the part but was in one of the best movies, Diamonds are Forever was one of the worst movies but had the best theme song, I was over the moon when Bono wrote a theme song for Tina Turner to sing, and the word "Octopussy" still makes me giggle.

Casino Royale was the first one I missed on the big screen since AVtaK, and I'm sure looking forward to gathering my chums together to see this new one come November 14th.

Here's the Goldeneye video. I still remember driving back and forth from Vassar to the city with this cassingle (four remixes!) flipping itself over and over.

God Bless, Bond.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Birthday Bird

Yesterday was a Special Day, because it was Kevin's birthday.

I met Kevin in 1996 in Brooklyn. He was carrying a boom microphone and I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Later that day we watched The Godfather, and my friendship with him was cemented at the same time that my fear of revolving doors was justified.

Every few years I put on my Dolly Parton t-shirt and Kevin puts on his middle finger and we go to the River to celebrate.
Happy Day After Birthday, Kevin!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Brooklyn Baby!

So sometimes, your friends make babies. I was excited to see Karen last week for dinner & fun times, and to discover that she is in fact in month 8 of a 10 month pregnancy.

I was also very excited to find out that she is related to Miss Shelley Winters, a fact which had somehow never come up in college. It's through her Aunt Clarice, who must have been a lovely woman.

Here's hoping Karen is as nice to her baby as she was to Shorty, back in The Past.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Birthday Dame!

Yesterday we should have wished Miss Julie Andrews a very happy birthday - and if it wasn't for our extreme emotions about Burritoville closing, we would have. In any event, happy birthday, Dame Julie.
I had started her memoir, Home: A Memoir, a long time ago, and would read it exclusively on the A train to Amber's house. I guess you can tell what a bad friend I am on account of I haven't taken the train in a while.

On the plus side, I can say that this song that Miss Andrews sings to Kermit on the Muppet Show is, maybe even moreso than Rowlf's song to the puppy, one of my favorite television moments.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Last Exit to Burritoville

So last night Amber came over and we thought we'd try something new - takeout food and a program. We huffed and we puffed over to 44th & 9th to our old favorite, Burritoville, only to find the gates locked up tighter than a tick in a teacup.

(scene recreated with actors)

It turns out the whole dang chain closed down! I dare you to try to type - it just takes you straight to Google homepage. And the old grey lady even did a piece on it, so it must be true.

I sure am going to miss my Holy Moley Burrito, the free tasty chips, the water cups that were not for salsa, and the funny named soda pops.

RIP Burritoville, RIP.

[in the end Amber and I went across the street for my first visit to Chipotle, which turned out to be not so bad]