The New Adventures Of Old Elaine

A few weekends ago, Zach and I watched the 1985 concert version of Follies. I'm not a big Sondheim fan, but I do like some of his songs, especially "Losing My Mind" and "I'm Still Here," both featured here. Most exciting was the good times we had watching Carol Burnett, Barbara Cook, and Dame Elaine Stritch vamping about. Well worth the trip to the NYPL to pick it up.

Anyway, one of the highlights was Stritchy telling this joke backstage. It's not even super-funny, but there's just something about Stritchy. That's coffee.

Life Is A Beach

This has been a long week. I sure am glad I have today off, & can spend it on the beach. God Bless, Summer Fridays.

The Transitive Property Of Friendship

I sure had fun visiting David way back in April. Vacations are great.

When you're visiting someone with a Doctorate In Monkey Brains & Drunken Mice, it's hard not to have a little math on your vacation.

On this trip, I was refreshed on the Transitive Property of Equality.

David lives in Charleston, near the Arthur Ravenel, Jr. Bridge. According to the Internet, it is the longest cable-stayed bridge in the Americas. How long, you might ask?

According to the Transitive Property of Equality, it is about the same length as the wingspan of a bald eagle, according to this here exhibit at Dollywood.

Educational!

Cosmic Dancer

What a special day! 118 years ago today, Miss Charlotte Greenwood was born. Charlotte Greenwood is up there with Zach and Bacon as one of my favorite things. She was 6 feet tall and as bendy as a rope.

I think my favorite CG Moment, as I call them, is in one of Esther Williams' multi-million dollar aquamusicals, Dangerous When Wet, when she's dancing with William Demerest. I also like in Moon Over Miami when she's dancing with Jack Haley.

Here she is in The Gang's All Here, teaching a young whippersnapper how to dance. Really, every time I watch her I'm in smiles. Happy Birthday, Charlotte!

Easy to Wed, Not Watch

Dear Esther Williams, I have long been a fan of your product, multi-million dollar aqua-musicals. However recently I watched Easy To Wed, starring yourself, Van Johnson, & Lucille Ball. It's a remake of Libeled Lady, a brilliant comedy starring William Powell, Myrna Loy, Spencer Tracy, and my beloved Jean Harlow. Your version wasn't so good. You were barely in the water, your song was in Spanish, and I was saddened to discover that the great Lucille Ball paled in her role compared to Jean Harlow. Who knew? I did though like this one sequence with Lucille playing piano & Van Johnson trying to learn duck calls.





I suggest going back to the source material.



Sincerely, CRD

'allo, Guv'nor!

What a treat I had this weekend, with my first ever visit to Governor's Island! Governor's Island is a small island off the coast of Manhattan. I don't know much about the Flora or Fauna, but I know that the Ferry is Free, which is all that really matters.

I landed on the Island and quickly found a map. I identified my location on what I liked to call "the head" of the Island. The biking trail formed the vas deferens.

One fun thing to do on Governor's Island is play Cloverfield Monster. Here you can see me attempting to pop the head off the Statue Of Liberty.Later, I met a nice buoy and sat in its lap.

And finally, there was this interesting sign, which seemed to be explaining to me how Squirrels were created.

Cheerio, guv'nor!

French Lessons

One thing I didn't do in Canada was learn how to speak French. Canada was bought by France from the Eskimos in 1552 for 17 beads and the instructions for Making Fire. They eventually sold it to the Americans, but they kept one of the Provinces as an honorarium. In this Province, Ke-beck, they speak the tongue of brie cheese & chardonnay.

French is a hard language to learn on account of how silly it is, but Peter Lawford picks it up awfully quick from June Allyson here.

Madonna can hippity-hop with the Spanish Lessons all she wants, I'm sticking with the French. Good enough for Peter L., good enough for me.

Bacon, eh?

As a wise cookbook once said, Everything Tastes Better With Bacon. I don't think there are too many truer sentences in the world.

Back in Canada, we had a Breakfast Treat called "Peameal Bacon On A Soft Country Bun." The name makes me giggle a little bit, so it's a good thing it's a breakfast treat and not accompanied by a cocktail with a Sugar Rim or I'd bust a gut.

As it is, I almost busted a gut eating this bad boy. I'm kind like that Anthony Bourdain guy, traveling the world and eating delicacies. Next up, Bonobo Potstickers!

Canadian (Culture) Club

This weekend I learned a lot about Canadian Culture, and had many adventures in Ye Old Toronto Towne.

First up was a stop at "Old City Hall," which is where the Queen of Canada lives. She comes out every day at "three bells," or "3pm," as we say in America. Tourists will make goofy faces at her to try and make her break into a smile, but she's a stoic old bird.

Next up was "New City Hall," which is a weird obelisk thing where nobody lives. On the lawn of it is a statue of Jebediah Q. Canada, the founder of Canada. He discovered Canada in 1876, trying to make a shortcut from Maine to Mexican California. I tried to mimic his pose here but I'm not sure how well it came out.
In Canada, if you want to marry a gay it's legal, like in Massachusetts or California. For this reason, they have a lot of Gay Art. One gay art event is this Night Of Artistic Fellatio that you can see advertised below. I'm not sure what this is and I think I will stay away.

One popular place to celebrate The Beau Arts, if you know what I mean, is at the Canadian Opera Center, or The COC. It's pronounced with all hard C's, like the rooster, or the once popular East Village gay bar frequented by the odd MTV V-J.

I dunno. Call me a prude, but with all this culture I was happier kicking off my shoes and starfishing in my king-sized hotel bed.

Soon, America!

O Canada

Today I am off to the land of Maple Leaves & Butter Tarts. When I'm back, nobody knows - except American Airlines, who are expecting me on an afternoon flight on Monday.

Some of my favorite Canadian things, you ask?

Well, I've always loved Anne Murray. Her soothing Lite FM sounds have gotten me through many a long drive with only a rental car radio to amuse me. Bryan Adams? Natch. And Sir Leonard Cohen, of course.

And yet, from You Can't Do That On Television to post-teenage angst, Alanis Morissette has always been around. We're only a few months apart in age, so even though sometimes she's easy to make fun of & is certainly overwrought, I have a special fondness for her.

Anyway, she can take a goof, and here she is having some fun with that song about lovely lady lumps.

I Can't Stand The Heat

...and yet I sure would like to be in this kitchen!

The only thing hotter than this weekend would be a catfight between Sue Ann Nivens and Phyllis Lindstrom in front of an open oven.

My favorite part is that Betty White included a paragraph in her memoirs about how everyone marveled at her ad libbed way of closing the oven door. Broadcast history, people. Eat that, Barbara Walters.

Family Ties

Why are my parents getting drunk and texting me pictures of themselves, you ask?

My sister and her manbride are cooking up a baby in her tum!

Mark your calendars, in mid-December I become a uncle.

Birthdays Are A Virus!

I can't believe Amber is being all meta, and I am breaking the scoopy that On This Day In History, Miss Laurie Anderson was born, never asked.

Now, Miss Laurie Anderson is pretty great. I've only seen her once, with Amber and Kevin, but it was a great time, even though it was in the Brooklyn and at one point Lou Reed came out and stank up the stage.

In high school I used to drive to the Wellesley Public Library in my Dodge Aries because they had "United States Live I-IV" on record, which I would borrow and listen to over and over.

Isn't it? Isn't it just like a high school student?

Japan, Air

You might think it would be confusing to fly JapanAir, what with not speaking Japanese and all.

Fortunately they had these helpful diagrams in the loo, so us English people knew enough to close the door to have some light if we wanted to put our little penguin bottoms on the commode!


Science!

Maneki Zach-o

Well, when the mail came yesterday I found out what Zach had been up to!

Turns out, he's been investigating Quarantine of Dogs and Cats for Japan. At least, that's near as I can figure from this brochure that arrived.
This little kitty cat and big tongue puppy have arrows from them going into Japan, anyway.
How excited is this puppy to be all packed up, going to Japan! And the number 12!
But yet, at the end, the kitty cat seems to have all the good news (and the number 12), and the dog seems to be all boo hoo with tears.

I think it's best for all if Zach just stays in the sunshine with his luggage and forgets about those far off lands.

Like Chocolate & Peanut Butter

If you had asked me, CRD, to list my favorite things in the whole wide world, that list would have included both Ruby Keeler and kitty cats.

Imagine my surprise last night then, when about halfway through Footlight Parade, James Cagney's mousey secretary took off her glasses and turned out to be a great dancer? And then, she put on the costume...