The Pirate Movie

Recently, I had the pleasure of seeing my favorite movie for the first time.

The Pirate Movie is a 1982 musical adaptation of Pirates of Penzance, starring Kirsty McNichol (Family, Empty Nest, Carpenter's Christmas Special) and Christopher Atkinson (Blue Lagoon). I had just eaten a cheeseburger with some pals when we decided to blow our minds with this lost classic.

I'm a little hazy on the plot because I feel asleep a few times, plus it was confusing, plus the director was also the lead villain, and also all I know of Gilbert & Sullivan is from that one episode of The West Wing where that lady from CSI got hazed by the handsome man from St. Elmo's Fire. In other news, it was REALLY REALLY good whenever I was awake.

Not convinced? Here's the original trailer:



Basically Kristy McNichol is a nerd who carries around a boom box and buys everyone McDonald's, and Christopher Atkinson is a hot fencing instructor. And then later she turns into a princess and he's a hot pirate orphan who wears this International Male swimsuit/diaper a lot. And they fall in love.

The music? Well, half of it was G&S songs from Penzance, with some playing around with the lyrics. The other half was original pop songs, written by Terry Britten. Britten is a name I certainly know from my high school days - he wrote for Tina Turner, Michael Jackson, Lisa Stansfield, Olivia Newton-John, and others. This is the man who brought us "What's Love Got To Do With It" and that other 80s soundtrack classic, "We Don't Need Another Hero."

Also? It was really gay, those pirates.


I'm not sure what else to say, except thanks to Jimmy for introducing me to these 98 minutes of pure genius. Life is better now.

This here is the best song in the entire movie. It's worth watching maybe 5 or 6 times in a row, and then watching again.



"Pumpin' & Blowin'"? How can it get better than this.

In the immortal words of Kristy McNichol:

If you're treading water,
And romance is on the side,
You're going to have to swallow something more than water -
It's your pride.

God Bless us all, very much.